10 Ways To Tell If You’re Overly Obsessed With Cheese

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Okay, everyone, I have a problem. In honor of National Cheese Lover's Day today, I openly admit it. I am obsessed with cheese. I put it on pretty much everything. I consume it at almost every meal. It makes everything taste better. It makes me happy. It makes my life just a little bit better. Some people may think it's weird. I disagree.


National Cheese Lover’s Day is dedicated to people like me who take their cheese seriously. There are many of us out there and I say we stand tall and proud today. No more should we be held back by societal norms that raise an eyebrow when we ask for “extra” cheese. No more should we fear the phrase, “Would you like some freshly grated cheese on that?” Stand with me my brothers and sisters.


If you’re unsure whether you should be celebrating today, here are 10 ways to tell if you’re obsessed like I am.


No Burger Is Complete Without Cheese

I have never understood the point of having just a plain burger without cheese. It seems un-American, really. It’s like having a jelly sandwich without the peanut butter. It goes without saying that they belong together. One is not complete without the other. A hamburger is just a slab of meat on bread. Adding cheese to it dresses it up. It makes it more exciting, nay, more refined, depending on the type of cheese you choose. Don’t even get me started on how to decide which kind of cheese to have on your burger because that will turn into a whole other conversation. There are too many options and too many explanations. We’ll be here all day.


You Ask The Waiter/Waitress To Leave The Grated Cheese On The Table

I always dread when you’re at a restaurant and your server walks over with a cheese grater in hand. It doesn’t matter if it’s a bowl of soup, a plate of pasta, or some array of Italian food, I want all of it covered in cheese. It’s not even a question. I want it covered in cheese so much so that you can’t tell what I am eating. And then there’s the awkward interaction where your server is standing over the plate in front of you, waiting for you to say “that’s good,” but you motion for him/her to keep going. You know they are judging you the whole time, but you don’t care. This all could have been solved if they just left the cheese on the table and let me do it myself.


You Carefully Select Your Slice Of Pizza To Make Sure It Includes The Most Cheese

Pizza is one of my favorite foods, but I am very picky about which slice I am going to eat. If it were socially acceptable, I would cut a circle out of the middle of the entire pie and eat that, since most of the cheese makes it way to the center of the pie as it melts. I don’t suggest doing that, as everyone else eating with you gets upset for some reason. I speak from experience. Since that’s not an option, I choose a slice that is equally covered in cheese from one end to the other. And if when putting that slice onto my plate and some of the cheese from the slice next to it comes with it, I silently celebrate.


Cheese Platters At Parties Excite You Way More Than They Should

I usually ask about the menu before I ask about event details. If you’re inviting me to a party at your house and you tell me that you’ll be putting out a cheese plate, you can almost guarantee I’ll clear my schedule to be there. If we’re ever at a party together and you can’t seem to find me, check out the cheese platter. I usually don’t stray too far. The best part of any formal event or wedding – cocktail hour because there’s almost always cheese involved. And yes, I typically gauge how much I enjoyed an event by the type and amount of cheese that is served. That’s normal, right?


The Only Reason You Eat Salad Is So You Can Pile It High With Cheese

I am not a fan of salad. For most of my life, I’ve tried to stay away from anything green in general, unless of course you include mint chocolate chip ice cream. When I do have a salad, the only reason I will suffer through eating it is if it is topped with cheese. Anything from goat cheese to blue cheese to shredded cheddar works for me, and the more, the better. It disguises the fact that I’m eating something healthy beneath it so I can trick my brain into actually enjoying it.


Macaroni & Cheese Is Your Go-To Comfort Food

I have never encountered a macaroni and cheese that I didn’t like. That’s a true story. It can come from a box or be made from scratch and I don’t judge either way. There are so many varieties that you could literally eat it every day of the week and have something a little different each day. Who doesn’t love versatility like that?! Plus, there is something about macaroni covered in cheese that just makes you feel better. It’s a stuff-your-face-while-sitting-on-the-couch-in-sweats kind of food. Those are the best kind in my opinion!


You Question Whether You Should Waste Your Time Eating Something That Doesn’t Include Cheese

I feel like this one doesn’t really need an explanation, simply because anything without cheese isn’t really worth talking about either.


You Have A Ridiculous Amount of Knowledge Of Cheese

You ever talk to someone who can name every type of cheese, the region it comes from, and what it’s best served with? I love those types of people. I want to be best friends with them because I can relate. I am Italian and am known to stand around the antipasto at family dinners, tasting a cheese like the rest of my family tastes wine, and then offering my best guess at what it is and where it came from. Typically no one is listening, but it hasn’t stopped me yet.


You Can Eat Blue Cheese By Itself With A Fork

I love blue cheese. I eat it on salad (see above). I eat it with fruit. The only reason I eat wings is so I can dip them in blue cheese dressing. I can sit with blue cheese crumbles and eat them with a fork. Sure, it’s made from mold cultures and the smell is a bit pungent, but it contains vitamins and minerals, too. That means it's healthy, right? Right?!


You Judge People Who Claim To Not Like Cheese

I have a friend who shares my absolute love for cheese. When we went to Italy together, we went gangbusters on the cheese there and we still talk about it today. She’s the same friend who stands next to me at the cheese platter at parties and who loves macaroni and cheese almost as much as I do. It makes our friendship stronger because she just gets me and my love for cheese. When someone tells me that they don’t eat cheese or they don’t like it, I immediately find myself judging them. It makes me question their character and if they are trustworthy, because what kind of person doesn't enjoy cheese?!


Okay, I’m a lover of all things cheese. I may be more than slightly obsessed. Is that such a bad thing? Sure, it’s not helpful when I’m trying to get rid of that “dairy belly” all the fad diets are talking about, but today we are ignoring that fact. Today is dedicated to cheese lovers across the nation. I toast you, my fellow cheese friends, because cheese simply makes life better.

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