Who I Know I Am Not

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I've been faced with a lot of challenges lately that have made me be more honest with myself than I have been for a long time. There's been a lot of changes in my personal life, enough to make my head spin and cause me to question everything about myself. Sometimes I look back to a few months ago and think about how very different my life was then. It's crazy how much and how quickly everything can change.


Change isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it's not something I've ever handled well. I get comfortable with people and situations and I don't want to mess with a good thing. Sometimes life doesn't give you the luxury -- things change that are out of your control and you have to learn to roll with it. I'm embracing the changes. I'm realizing that it can be good to shake things up a bit. Change brings new challenges and it's how we face these challenges that illuminate our character. 


I've been thinking alot about who I am and who people perceive me to be. I think in most cases, they are one in the same, but every once in awhile someone comes along who makes me question how I am perceived by others. 


I am not always proud of the things I have done or the choices I have made. I have struggled, made many mistakes, and have failed. I have faced tragedy and sometimes get lost in grief. I have taken people for granted in my life and treated them poorly without intending to. I over-analyze pretty much everything. I have horrible social anxiety and am terrible at making small talk. All of these things make me human, but not a bad person.


I am proud of who I am. I like to see the good in people. I like to believe that everyone deserves second chances. I am loyal, loving, and kind. I am passionate and find excitement in silly, simple things. I want to help people and inspire kindness in others. I have an unmistakable laugh and like to believe I am funny. I am driven and dedicated to the things and people I believe in. I have faith in something greater than myself and I believe that prayer is powerful.


These are all things that I know about myself. I am realistic and can recognize the bad with the good. I work on changing the things that I don't like and try not to make the same mistakes I've made in the past. Regardless of what I know of myself, there will always be judgements made by people from afar who honestly don't know me at all.


But these are things I can learn from as well. I recognize that I may be perceived differently than I am and it challenges me to change that perception. I realize that negative judgements from others are usually indicative of their own insecurities and circumstances and I try to be understanding of that.


I am not a selfish person.


I am not someone who purposely hurts others.


I am not dishonest or fake.


I am not a cheater.


I am not someone who holds others back.


I am not someone who uses people.


I am not a judgemental person.


I am not now, nor will I ever be, someone who turns my back on a friend.


I will not let myself be defined by the very things that I know I am not. I have made mistakes in my past, but anyone who believes me to be any of the things above hasn't taken the time to get to know me themselves. 


I know who I am and who I am not. I continue to realize my own strengths thanks to all of the amazing, loving and supportive people in my life. And to those that see me through different eyes, realize that there is much that you don't know and I challenge you to be as honest with yourself as I am. 



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