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Why the hell would someone be thankful to have their heart broken? It's hard to imagine any good coming from it when you are still in the now of it all, but as with most challenges, it offers us lessons about ourself and our life.
When you experience heartache, whether for the first time or the third, fifth or tenth, it threatens your very existence. We wonder how we are ever going to live without this person and we mourn for what is lost. It hurts. It really friekin' hurts. But in time, you will be able to see that it makes way for other things -- new experiences and different focuses. You can learn to be grateful for it like I have. It can ultimately help you discover the happiest version of yourself. Here's how it's helped me.
1.) Recognize Your Own Strength
I've always considered myself mentally and emotionally strong, but really I was just closed off. I didn't allow myself to experience emotions. I pushed anything I felt that made me feel weak deep down into the pit of my being where I tried to keep it locked away. Despite this, I allowed myself to get hurt. When my heart was broken, I let in all the things that I was afraid to feel -- sadness, rejection, heartache -- and it wasn't easy. But doing so allowed me to feel strong again. I experienced the pain so I could let it go and move on. Letting it in, surviving it, and coming out the other side again makes you feel like a warrior. I refuse to let this define me in a negative way. I want to be better because of it, and I am.
You will be a better, stronger person, too.
2.) Develop Your Other Relationships
I never realized how much my other relationships suffered because of the time I was investing in him. It was never intentional, but I got caught up in it. Most people typically do. I've never been one to ask for help, but when I was going through the thick of it, I was overwhelmed by the love and support of good friends and family. It has brought me closer to them. I've strengthened my relationships with my parents and sisters. I've learned to rely on the love and advice from my closest friends. I've been able to spend more time with friends that I've lost touch with. I've gone out more in the past few months than I probably have in the past few years. I've met new people.
You will be able to focus on the other relationships in your life and you will realize all that you are gaining.
3.) Find Your Own Identity
I spent so much of my life trying to do what was best for him, even if he didn't ask me to. We spent so much time together over the years that I lost what it was to be me without him. In losing that, I had to remind myself who I was and who I want to be. It forced me to think about where I am in life and what I want from it. It forced me to be really honest with myself and work on the things that I am unhappy with. I am trying new things. I am getting healthy. I am rediscovering all that I am and all that I have to offer. I know now what I want from love and what I am willing to accept because I know what I deserve.
You will discover who you are on your own and you will realize the opportunity for growth.
4.) Know There Is A Purpose
This is honestly what I am the most thankful for because it allowed me to get to all of the other places I needed to be. For awhile, I allowed myself to get caught up in all that I was losing, and I didn't see what the situation was giving me. I was blind for a long time and removing myself from the situation helped me look at everything with honest eyes. Once that happened, I was able to see that what I thought was a loss is actually a gift. It is an opportunity for me to change. It is an opportunity for me to grow. It is an opportunity for me to learn from my mistakes and his shortcomings. It is an opportunity to be better. And all of these things gave the pain and experience a purpose. I understood why I had to go through it so I could get to where I am now.
You will start to see all of the lessons you can take away from this, and it will make the heartache you are experiencing worthwhile.
5.) Surrender Your Control
One of the hardest parts of a broken heart is accepting that something you believed in with all your heart is no longer a reality. This person who you knew so well quickly became someone you used to know and there is nothing you can do about it. Letting go and recognizing that some things are out of your control is easier said, than done. For someone like me, it feels impossible. I don't want to admit that anything is out of my control, but this is. Sometimes people fall out of love. Sometimes people cheat and lie and break your heart. Sometimes someone who you thought you knew better than anyone changes overnight and surprises you with who they've become. You can't do anything to stop it. You can't go back and change things that have already happened. The sooner you are able to accept what is, the sooner you can begin to move on. You may feel like you'll never be ready to move on because you don't want to, but believe me, it's for your own good. There's no sense holding onto something or someone that isn't invested in you or doesn't make you a priority. Sometimes, things are removed from our lives because we don't have the strength to walk away ourselves.
You will be able to accept what is in time, and from that, be able to let go.
I am thankful for every step of this journey because each moment has given me something. It will give you something, too. And know that even in your darkest moments, you will learn from it. This is making you stronger as you become who you are meant to be. There is a purpose to all of this, even when it hurts the most. And as you become happier with who you are and where your life is going, letting go becomes easier. I am getting through this, and you will, too.